I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
