She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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