Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
