Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
