Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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