Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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