been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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