grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
