Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
