So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
