Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
