So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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