also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
