I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
