Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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