i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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