The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
