oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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