you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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