allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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