five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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