i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
