dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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