So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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