I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
