I just made out with a guy for $7.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
