She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
