do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
