Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
