ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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