He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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