Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
