so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
