Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
