apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
