Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Boobs are out for the taking
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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