i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
NoShamevember. You game?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
