i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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