Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and she was petting her beer can
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
