Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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