Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
as a side note pls kill me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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