apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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