my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize