You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
