Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
