Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
