So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had to cum in my sink.
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