i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
