my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.