Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

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  (802): You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns? (1-802): The one in Montpelier? (802): yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed. http://tfl.nu/hzcv
  Replies (53) Good night (629) Bad night (2356)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish costco sold astroglide.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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  (313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg
  Replies (41) Good night (3114) Bad night (1281)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

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  (206): he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff. http://tfl.nu/ss2c
  Replies (13) Good night (9419) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado

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  (719): 3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado http://tfl.nu/w6qi
  Replies (72) Good night (7889) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

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  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9960) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.

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  (586): It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying. http://tfl.nu/5saj
  Replies (7) Good night (1097) Bad night (3245)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on

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  (734): Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on http://tfl.nu/hv9f
  Replies (7) Good night (1576) Bad night (965)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.

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  (615): You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all. http://tfl.nu/of60
  Replies (4) Good night (1248) Bad night (634)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.

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  (813): A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise. http://tfl.nu/t24q
  Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (1488)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...

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  (314): And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb... http://tfl.nu/trz3
  Replies (11) Good night (2368) Bad night (716)
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  (714): View more from California

  Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick

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  (714): Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick http://tfl.nu/zf2b
  Replies (3) Good night (2477) Bad night (614)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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  (503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc
  Replies (9) Good night (779) Bad night (388)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!

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  (417): I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS! http://tfl.nu/a1ne
  Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (165)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...

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  (207): And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder... http://tfl.nu/u2tx
  Replies (3) Good night (455) Bad night (135)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.

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  (443): Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on. http://tfl.nu/e4fs
  Replies (6) Good night (164) Bad night (372)

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