i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?