Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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