Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.