Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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(516): View more from New York

I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss

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(289): View more from Ontario

I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.

(647): View more from Ontario

It's sore actually

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(941): View more from Florida

You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.

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(607): View more from New York

Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism

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(408): View more from California

Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry

(805): View more from California

House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges

(408): View more from California

I'm sorry.

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