You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life