i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dating After Heartbreak
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need a beard to bite.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.