I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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