Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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