just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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