Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
did i just pee glitter
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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