The maid of honor just puked.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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