He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
