Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
