Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Operation Purity has been aborted
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
