I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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