I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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