I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
