My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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