My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Green mimosas i think yes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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