that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
