You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
