I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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