real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
