Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
