I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
