I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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