the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
