dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
