so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
