I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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