wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
