I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
