things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
